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Ready?
Yeah, I think I've got everything.
You got the plane tickets?
Patryk, I'm getting an award, not seeing the guy who cheated on me.
Yeah, exactly.
Can't they just mail it?
I'm very happy you're making your dreams come true.
I know people are talking.
So what? Let them. They always gossip in Podhale.
Who cares anyway?
I'll call every day.
Come on. The time difference.
To me… it makes no difference.
And your return ticket?
I told you, he won't be there.
-Was he supposed to be? -Bob?
But check the tickets, if you have them.
-Can we go? -So get going.
America isn't worlds away, and three days isn't an eternity.
Three days?
One week, Patryk.
THE TAMING OF THE SHREWD 2
OR MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING
COUPLES' SLEIGH RACE
Congratulations, gentlemen.
Second place is not bad.
Third is still on the podium, but let me tell you, you got lucky.
You won't defeat my Golden Arrow.
And where is that arrow?
In the shop.
In two weeks, you'll get a chance to meet with the champion.
Meaning who?
Well, me. The new gazda.
What kind of gazda are you without a woman?
Yeah, very funny.
See? There's one born every minute.
-So? -What?
They're good, but they don't stand a chance against a champion.
-Next time, I'll be on the podium. -Yes!
Brother-in-law, you can always count on me.
I know.
Always!
Enough!
They're coming!
Hey!
Driving like a true gazda!
Poor excuse for a gazda.
-You're saying my Franek can't drive? -See how he holds the rains.
He'll never win.
If he's planning on driving our grandson to the baptism like that,
we'll have to hire a sleigh driver from Morskie Oko.
Think about it.
There's still time.
We're going to be shamed. We'll have to cancel the baptism.
It's Kasia and Patryk or nobody. Period!
-Come here! -Stay away, gentlemen, okay?
-I said stay away. Damn! -Come here!
-No. -Come here!
-No!
Don't cry!
-Don't worry! She'll come back! -I'm begging you! Really…
You'll take my eye out!
It's starting.
What's starting?
Hell!
People are already talking.
Have you heard anyone talking?
Praise be.
-Praise be. -Praise be.
Listen, seriously…
Go away! I'm leaving! Let me go!
Well, what's going on with the baptism?
What about the baptism?
I heard you're canceling.
So you're not canceling after all?
Nobody is canceling. Nothing will be canceled.
Well, I don't deal in gossip,
but they say Kasia is going to America to marry that Bob fella.
So you're canceling after all.
You were supposed to keep your mouth shut.
Have you talked to anyone?
-I talked? -Wasn't me. You talked!
-You talked! -Me?
They could hear you all the way in Kraków!
Whose hut is that?
Grandpa Jasiek's!
In the '70s he moved tracksuits and dollars from Austria.
-A hustler's hideout. Perfect. -Oh no! A smuggler's!
Afterwards, he worked on space shuttle chassis for NASA
and invented a way to fly with two pieces of wire instead of three.
His pension was out of this world.
Out of this world.
The projections for my pension are so fucking bad,
I'll be out of this world too.
That's why we need to have our own side hustle.
This place is perfect.
Not anymore.
-There was a bear here. -What? They sleep until spring.
Apparently it woke up.
Nah, it's a groundhog at most. Don't panic.
Grab those boxes.
Does Maryla know about your new storehouse?
Of course. She told me to find it.
What's wrong with the old one?
It's priceless cargo. The old storehouse wasn't safe.
A Goral plus carnival, plus Litworówka…
-Get it? -No.
Yes.
What? Do you and Jagoda keep matches within your kid's reach?
-Well, no. -See? Grab it.
-It's starting. -He can't go on like that.
How can he…
Damn gazda from Warsaw.
Wacuś, pick up!
He won't. He took a customer cross-country skiing.
A customer. I know what kind.
Leave any of you alone for a moment, and your pants go flying.
I'll find the weasel.
-Did Kasia call you? -She texted me as soon as she landed.
-Nothing more? -What do you mean?
-I'm off. -So it's starting.
What's starting? She's busy.
Wonder what with.
Meetings, receiving the award…
She couldn't come up with a better alibi?
What if she slips up over there?
She won't!
America is in another hemisphere. Women lose their minds overseas.
But you shouldn't worry, brother. If she doesn't call you, you call her.
Oh, go to hell!
Don't screw it up, brother. I see you. Call her!
Now that is beautiful!
-When will it be ready? -It'll be ready when it's ready.
Too bad it won't run.
What do you mean?
It will. In the couples' race.
Can you tune the sleigh up a bit before the race?
Listen here.
For private use, maybe I could,
but for the race, it's illegal.
-Easy-peasy! -Easy-peasy!
You're selling the sleigh?
I could take it off your hands.
Seems to me she didn't call.
That's what they say.
What are you saying?
They're all the same.
Promises, promises…
So how much?
Huh?
When will it be ready?
It'll be ready when it's ready.
-It'll be ready. -When it's ready.
I feel bad for the guy.
It hasn't even been a year, and she's made a fool of him.
Whatever.
Hi, Patryk, is something wrong?
Nothing.
I'm constantly at home, missing you, stuffing my face with chips,
and binge-watching all the 365 Days movies
to see if she comes back to him or not.
She'll come back.
-Have you seen it? -I was in it. Listen.
It's 5:00 a.m.
I'm sorry. I forgot.
It's just that you haven't called me, so I thought that…
You'd check up on me?
But you trust me.
Well, I do. Of course I trust you.
Hey, gazda,
shouldn't you be at work now?
And I should be sleeping.
I'm invited to a TV show. I have to get some rest.
Knock 'em dead, honey.
I have to go. Bye.
Nutcase.
Yes!
And right, and left, and together now.
Just a little warm-up before the White Bear Ball.
And more, and one, and…
Wacuś, hurry, we need to talk!
I'm waiting for you!
More, more, and push.
Hurry!
Excuse me, Monica, but I have to talk to my friend here.
Don't act like a lout. How about some manners?
And shaking your ass in front of tourists is good manners?
I always try to face the customer.
Especially when shaking your butt in tights.
-There's a problem with the baptism. -Your sister is like a live grenade.
-It's about him! -What?
-Gotta keep a close eye on him! -Why?
Women can sense he's free, and he hasn't called her.
And why would he call her?
I'm worried he'll go nuts again.
Of course he will.
He's from Warsaw. He's got our clothes, but not the Goral honor.
Watch it! He's my brother-in-law.
Will you help?
Hold on. I have to deal with something. After that, I'm at your service.
Pardon, ma'am, I won't keep my friend any longer.
Thank you for your patience!
Better?
Monica, come here.
We'll go that way.
-Bye. See ya. -Okay. Hello.
Okay! And right, and left. One and two.
And one, and two.
Come on!
Give me a kiss!
We're done with Stilo beach,
but you said it would get more extreme.
It will be when you see a 30-meter wave.
-Actually, Wera-- -I know.
First your ski tour and then my Portugal.
-We don't have to go. -All right, let's go.
No. First, a little surprise.
-I hate surprises. -You'll like this one.
Come on! Let's go.
-Fine. -Go!
I like this less and less.
Wanna race?
-Okay! -Oh, you!
First!
-So? You like it? -No.
-Oh, come on! -I'm kidding.
Don't laugh. This is a serious question.
-Okay, you almost got me. You won. -No. I've never been more serious.
-Kacper. -Will you marry me?
Are you kidding?
Seriously?
Yes.
But let's do it our way.
Just us two and some sad clerk who doesn't speak any language.
-Somewhere on the road. Maybe Portugal? -Yeah, sure…
What do you mean, "Yeah, sure"?
We're going.
Nazaré, our dream.
The biggest wave in the world. The last one is in February.
Next year.
You're kidding.
Oh no, Kacper, you took it.
That job is a big deal. It's a huge opportunity for us.
For us?
Kacper, for us?
I can't believe it.
But what am I supposed to do?
Just sit on my ass in your den and what? Feed the cats?
-Wera, listen to me. -No, Kacper.
-No! -Wait!
-Wera! -Leave me alone!
Wera!
Hey!
-What are you doing? -Come here.
Come here. You ruined everything!
Great!
Ladies, wouldn't it be nicer to have a photo with the real deal?
But in the original outfit?
The original outfit is only for the bonfire.
-We've still got some spots open. -Does this include a kidnapping?
Ladies.
Do you ask a Goral if it's going to snow?
-No. -Yes.
Join us.
-Take notes! -Okay.
Beautiful weather we're having, huh?
Here you go, on the house, a glass of our local Litworówka.
To start the day right.
-Thank you. -Thank you.
-What brings you here? -Field research for an academic paper.
We're scientists. I'm doing a PhD, Pola, and this is my assistant, Jola.
Jola, Pola. Pola, Jol… Patryk.
Jola, be a dear and add a subsection to our paper.
"Psycho-bio-cultural tradition of drinking."
What paper?
Carnival traditions and group customs in Podhale.
For the entire population. Locals, tourists, men.
Men are a separate species?
You can't cheat biology.
-Hello! -One moment.
So I saw you are a traveler. Sahara!
Oh, right. Coast to coast.
-Alone. -Wow, on your own? The whole thing?
-From coast to coast. -Jola, please, don't get excited.
How long did it take you?
About two, three months.
Must've taken the long way round.
I crossed it too.
-On a bike? -In an RV.
Classic preference-mirroring effect.
I'm looking for a mechanic. Can you recommend someone?
Why recommend one?
The best one's here. You won't find a better one.
Peacocking.
-I think I'll look for someone else. -Well, good luck.
To you too.
On your next Sahara trip!
Tricking, misleading the male,
but don't worry, it's just so she can come back in a moment.
She's not coming back. Did you make a note?
"Not coming back." Yes.
Normally, if it was warm, we'd take this pony for a spin,
but now we have the White Bear Ball.
I'll personally escort you.
I guarantee a lot of research material there. Live.
-Did you make a note? -Yes.
Hey, Franek!
-I've got it! -That's great!
I've gotta say, you've really decorated this place beautifully.
-Thank you. -It's nice to see.
-Only one? -Yeah, just one.
-Others disappeared from the storehouse. -Which one?
What do you mean? I've only got one storehouse.
Hey, bears!
Are you of drinking age?
Show me some ID or get out of here!
-How did they disappear? -What? You're asking me?
Better ask Włodek.
He told me that some devils took the Litworówka from the storehouse,
but I don't believe him.
I think he's up to something.
That big-city reptile.
He thinks I won't find out, but I will find out.
He'll be begging me for mercy on his knees.
Well, then I'll take this and put it somewhere.
-Sonny, we've gotta talk. -Dad, not now, I'm busy.
With what? Turning tradition into a circus?
Well, everybody likes it! Times are changing.
Not here in Podhale. Have you talked to Patryk?
-About? -The baptism.
-We'll be shamed in front of 300 people. -300?
It was just supposed to be for closest family.
Christ. Right, but things changed. There'll be 200 on our side.
What do you mean 200?
Word got out, so more family came forward.
For God's sake, Dad!
Did you ask him if he called her?
I mean Patryk… Did you call her?
I told you I called her!
You called her! And?
Wait up!
Dad, what's going on?
Nothing at all.
I went out to mow the meadow The sun was shining
A girl came to me with berries She was so nice
I gathered a jug full of berries Come here, Jaś, and I'll give it to you
I'll give you some berries from the jug
Because
Because I love you
Because I love you…
Let's go!
Because I love you
Because I love you…
-It's a great idea. -No!
If you back me up, they'll have no choice.
-You won't let a guy order you around. -Patryk and Kasia are the godparents.
-And if not? -Then no baptism.
Ask if she called him.
-She called! -She called!
She called.
A girl came to me with berries She was so nice
I gathered a jug full of berries Come here, Jaś, and I'll give it to you…
And? Did she call?
Because I love you…
Hey! Stop the music! Stop!
Thanks a lot.
Everyone, I've gathered you all here so we can end it once and for all.
End what?
Mrs. Maryla, please be quiet. I'm talking.
Brother-in-law!
Maybe not in front of people?
Brother, yes, in front of people.
Everyone!
In a moment, we'll make a call to America,
where our pride of Podhale, my woman--
-Kasia. -Yes, Mrs. Maryla, Kasia.
She's just been given a prestigious award for a digital apiary.
Okay, calm down. In a moment, we'll all congratulate her.
I have a feeling this won't end well.
CONNECTING
Who are you? Where's Kasia?
What?
CALL ENDED
Some survival fan.
Stopping in a national park.
Hey!
Is anybody here?
You can't park here.
-What? -You can't park here.
You think I'm here on purpose? I told you I was looking for a mechanic.
-I wanted to help. -Can you get out?
It will be cold at night.
Very cold.
I've slept in worse conditions.
It was easier to pull up.
Won't some Goral girl kick me out?
She might've back in the day, but not anymore.
Welcome to the club.
-Are you here for long? -Podhale is just a stop on the way.
I should already be far away from here.
Where? In that piece of junk?
Hey! Watch it. That's my home.
In Portugal.
-I was there too. -Mauritania.
Maybe not in two months, but in a month. You travel alone?
Alone. Can't you see?
I like to be unburdened.
Sleep downstairs. Don't wander around the house.
Breakfast is at 7:00. If you're not up, make it yourself.
-Maryla doesn't know anything. -So?
You want to waste your life in a bear costume?
You don't steal from your own.
-I'm no Goral, am I? -But I'm a Goral!
And either you tell her, or I will.
Listen, if you keep quiet,
nobody will know. We'll move one batch, then another.
What, another? Not a chance!
Look at me.
See?
This is what a successful man looks like in Podhale.
What?
There you are. Thanks for coming so quickly.
-What's up? -There's a deal to be done.
The godmother lost her way in America, so the ceremony might not happen.
We'll have a surplus of Litworówka. Hectoliters. Interested?
-No. -But…
Wait. It's a cash transaction.
Good destination, Moravia.
Come on, man. You won the lottery because I'm looking for a truck driver.
-No. -But why not?
Because.
No worries. You can look.
I put on underwear specially for you.
Your ex's? What did he do to deserve it?
Tried to steal my dreams. Scrambled eggs?
Yes, made from real eggs from happy chickens.
Thanks for letting me stay.
No worries. I'll check the RV after breakfast.
Hey, get off my land!
Get lost!
-Drop the stone! -What?
I said drop the stone.
-What? -Give it to me.
-Let go! -Kacper!
Now you've done it.
-You know him? -You followed me?
You've got my headphones. You stole them along with the RV.
-You stole it? -Technically.
You won't get it!
So whose is it?
Who's he? Is he your new guy? Did you sleep with him?
Yes, I did, and it was amazing.
Good morning.
Could someone explain what the hell is going on here?
Put some snow on that.
She would freeze, so I let her crash.
Such a noble man!
She needed somewhere to stay.
-Give me that. -Leave it!
-That's not what she said. -It's nonsense.
And I'm not lying. Like some people.
Excuse me?
Why did you say he wouldn't be there?
Bob. He was there.
-What are you talking about? -Everyone told me it would end badly.
But I said, "No, let her go."
"I trust her."
"I believe her." Well! Now half of Podhale thinks I'm a loser.
Half of Podhale? A loser? What do you mean?
-Why are you back? -They deported me!
Please, Kasia, make up a better story.
-And why didn't you call? -I lost my cell phone.
-In bed with Bob. -What?
-Board. Backpack. -Hey!
More of your stuff.
Souvenirs from Indonesia. I hated that trip.
It was your idea!
Here's your mask. Here! Laptop.
Gloves. There!
-Can't you be more careful? -No.
That's all. And forget about the RV.
It won't get anywhere unless it's being towed.
-What now? You'll stay here with him? -Why not?
Fantastic people, wonderful place.
All you could ask for. Time to settle down.
That's not what you said by the sea.
Are you moving out?
No. It's my house.
So? You'll be living with the woman who cheated on you?
Half of Podhale will be laughing at you.
Now you're stealing my lines.
Maybe stay with your friend.
My friend? That's right, exactly!
-In the RV. -I'll help. I'll open the door for you.
Great. Thank you very much.
Stay if you want,
but I'll stay as well until you listen to me.
Where will you stay?
-Under a bridge? -There are no bridges around here.
But there is somewhere you can stay. A place just freed up, didn't it, gazda?
-Where's my tent? -In the basement.
Come in! Make yourself at home.
-I'll help. -Thanks.
Don't sleep in my bed.
Sorry, that was awkward.
It's okay.
I could explain it to her somehow.
We deal with things differently in Podhale.
It's supposed to be -20 tonight.
I've slept in worse conditions.
As you wish.
But if you freeze, you won't fix anything.
I'll manage.
Sleep downstairs. Don't wander around the house.
The bathroom's there.
Breakfast is at seven. If you're not up, make it yourself.
-Thanks. -Sure.
-I don't think he slept with her. -You're not sure?
I know him.
I think.
Then what's this all about?
He doesn't trust me, and he didn't let me explain.
Welcome to the club.
And what did you do?
Nothing. I proposed to her.
Are you a moron or a fan of extreme sports?
No. I just wanted to build a life for us.
-So a moron. -Hey, not exactly.
If she'd have let me finish, it would've all been okay.
Welcome to the club.
Do you see anything?
Have you seen him? That Bob guy?
He came from America in an RV.
But he looks different. Not like him.
Skinny like a twig.
-That's not him! -What do you mean?
Maybe he had plastic surgery.
They plastic-surgery themselves in America all the time.
-What are you drinking? -Kale. Want some?
It regulates cholesterol, raises… immunity.
Jesus Christ.
Hell will freeze over before I start drinking blended cabbage.
If it's not him, then who is he?
Some third guy.
Your sister is unstable, just like your brother-in-law.
I'm telling you, they're gonna live like this now.
Polyamorously.
It's a thing now.
The offer is still on the table.
My cousin from Twardorzeczka
can take our grandson Karolek to his baptism.
It's a good, old, traditional Goral family.
Over my dead body. No cousins from Twardorzeczka.
It will blow over in a week.
There'll be nothing to salvage in a week.
Watch out!
He didn't ask. He just judged me immediately.
But did you tell that Bob guy to go to hell, Kasia?
Come on. An entire SWAT team rushed in there.
A SWAT team? To deal with one woman?
-Yeah. -Hey, Kasia…
They closed off the entire floor. There were police dogs.
I got an armed escort.
Jagódka, the entire street was blocked with police cars.
-Yeah, sure. -The entire street was blocked?
They pushed me into a car, escorted me to the airport,
and put me on a plane.
Yeah. Both the FBI and the CIA, the entire USA against Kasia!
Oh, give it a rest.
You don't believe me?
No, Kasia. We believe you.
Okay, we believe you.
Yeah, but the thing is, you could have called.
-My phone got stolen. -Right.
-Your phone got stolen as well? -You don't believe me!
I'm telling you, we believe you.
But the men definitely won't.
There's not much iodine here, so their brains are small,
and they don't understand much.
Their brains are fried.
What will be will be. Let's drink. No, not you.
Okay. It will work itself out somehow.
Buddy, leave it, or you'll cut yourself.
I already did, Mr. Host.
Leave the wood too.
Why? Because it's yours?
That's right.
Give it to me. I can't watch.
Don't wave it like it's a baseball bat.
Wow.
-Years of practice. -I can see.
-Where? -Taiga, tundra, Siberia.
Little boys don't go there.
Now watch the lumberjack-contest champion at work.
Damn!
-It's not balanced right. -Yeah? May I?
Dang. I don't know. Seems fine to me.
-Sheer luck. -Yeah?
Hold on.
How about now?
If you want wood, go gather some twigs.
Hey!
What the hell do we need these barrels for?
It's a smokescreen.
But why are they so big?
It's a big deal, so the smokescreen needs to be right.
But what's the plan?
You work on him. I'll work on her.
That's the plan.
But what am I supposed to tell him?
Is it all on me?
Use your brain and do some smooth talking.
Freakin' hell.
-What do I need these barrels for? -Well…
For wine?
I've got three signature bottles, not a vineyard.
Then maybe you can brew slivovitz?
What the hell for?
Jesus Christ.
Don't make this so hard.
Maybe you could start ice bathing?
These are great barrels for ice baths.
Ice baths are trendy. Healthy. Are you coming to the bonfire?
Everything's set up there. You'll manage.
-You invited the tourist girls. -I've had enough of them for now.
-Franek can help you out. -Sure.
He's watching Karolek. Kasia was supposed to help.
Will you be there? You've gotta be there.
You will come!
Do you take ice baths?
Yes.
But only when it's -20.
Pretty lame.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
Hello, sister.
Hello.
What are you standing there for? Talk.
Sister, whatever happened in America stays in America.
Your life, your issues, but--
No. Stop it.
-Are you swingers? -Why? You wanna join?
-Don't joke, Podhale is buzzing. -Let them!
What are you? A news agency?
What news agency?
Sister, I came here to ask you for help with the bonfire.
Ask your gazda from Warsaw.
He said no.
We can't do it on our own.
So? Will you be there?
No.
You have to!
3 PEAKS EXPEDITION AND VACATION CENTER
Wacuś!
Here they are. They came.
Soon, you'll see such a good a love operation
that it will set the entire Tatra mountain range on fire!
Hey!
Maybe let's forget the bonfire?
Let's not. Come on.
Seems to me the troops have regrouped.
You should write romance novels.
-Hey! How's the feast? -Not bad.
Hey, should have lived Should have lived
Hey, shouldn't have gotten married
Hey, should have every night
Hey, found a new lover
Hey, should have every night
Hey, found a new lover
Look at what he's carrying.
He's not bad, huh?
Excuse me?
Typical representative of a Podhale male.
That girl beat me to the chase.
I'm just telling you because I heard you split up. That's what they say.
I'm surprised since it's females that choose the mate,
but everybody has a different taste.
Whatever floats your boat.
It's ready.
Excuse me, could you help?
Okay. Write it down.
I'll go grab my gloves.
But you've got them.
But they're completely soaked.
Here you go.
-Here you go. -And for me.
May I have two?
Oh no. We've just run out.
-I'm sorry. Here you go. -Thank you.
I understand.
-I bet the Litworówka's gone too. -Oh no. It's not.
Want a drink?
With who? With you?
With me.
You chicken?
Watch out! Other side! Watch it!
-Come on! -How is it?
-Give him a break. He didn't do anything. -Did anyone ask you?
How long will you stay on my land?
Wow. That wasn't very nice.
Wasn't supposed to be.
Trust me, if I had a choice, I wouldn't be here.
I'd be doing something completely different.
Like what? Living your own life?
That's what I'm doing.
Yeah? By hitting on my man? Great!
Hey!
Enough!
What? We're just having fun.
-You're the best. You won. -Leave him. He's taken.
We're leaving.
-I didn't mean that-- -Better stop talking.
-Kasia? -Yeah?
You saved my life. Thanks.
No worries. You gotta watch out in Podhale.
What are you doing?
I'm a developer. I fix mistakes in video games.
Oh!
Too bad you can't fix your own mistakes in real life, huh?
You really know how to cheer a guy up.
I have no intention of cheering you up.
Tell me, what did I do wrong?
-You want her back? -Yeah.
First, stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Okay.
Second, if they want an affair, they'll get it.
What's going on there?
Lomilomi.
What?
Loving-hands massage.
He's great at those.
Sexaholic.
Does it feel good?
Yeah. Very.
-There's no such massage. -There is.
He learned it in Hawaii.
Unfortunately, any woman would melt at his touch.
How is it? Everything okay?
I'll melt him.
-Enough. -But…
-Great. Perfect massage. -But I haven't even started.
Oh well. Worst-case scenario, we postpone the baptism.
Why? My life's screwed up, but yours doesn't have to be.
Hey, Kasia.
Are you just gonna let Patryk go like that?
He's a good man.
For a surfer.
Come on, really?
Well, he's no Belmondo, but they say he has special skills.
-Hey! -Please. He's just a kid.
-But skilled. -How'd you know?
I know! I might be a mom, but I'm not over the hill yet.
Hey, mother, watch it.
He's not your type, or mine.
But they say his touch makes a woman go crazy.
Hey! Not me. I'm too strong.
-Hey, Kasia. -Yeah?
You'd better think this over.
What am I supposed to think over?
It's been going on too long!
Everyone knows you're as stubborn as a mule.
Patryk is no better. That's obvious.
But you're pulling those outsider kids into your fight, and it's…
-Me? -Who else?
Patryk started it. I actually want to help them.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
How?
Is that board of yours any good?
Better than your skis.
Wanna find out?
Now? Or do you wanna wait for an audience?
Now.
Just us.
Seems flat.
We've gotta walk.
A few meters.
-Or more. -Or more?
How much? One kilometer? Two?
You want a helicopter?
What's with that board?
Are you gonna walk?
What took you so long? I was starting to get bored.
Are you okay?
Disappointed?
Hey, are you okay?
Why? Are you worried?
Who, me? Are you kidding?
-It was your idea. -No.
-Mine. -What?
Well, he wanted to see the sights, so I couldn't say no.
Are you both nuts?
-Wera… -Now what?
Are you gonna kill each other with axes?
-Kasia, what axes? -Wera!
Wait! Listen to me.
-Hey… -Kasia…
Want me to massage that leg?
Massage yourself.
-Hey! -Damn.
Give me that.
I'm coming in!
Excuse me. I thought…
No. Everything's all right.
I'll go to the chair.
Kasia!
Wait!
I'll go with you.
No, I have to think.
I could use that too.
I need to be alone right now.
Give me five minutes to get changed. Okay?
Keys.
Any plans for today?
Here. Give me your hand.
Catch me!
I'm not going.
Beautiful, huh?
It was before you ruined everything.
You didn't let me finish. It was one of the options.
I haven't agreed yet.
Do they remind you of anyone?
Us?
Yeah.
Kacper, please.
We just needed to talk it over.
But you ran away.
It's always been an uphill struggle, hasn't it?
Always.
Don't ruin this place for me anymore.
That bastard. I'll kill him!
-Maryla, I don't know if this will work. -It will.
It always does, you'll see. They need help.
They're running around in circles.
Such fools.
My father and my father-in-law are up to something.
That's what I'm afraid of.
My God.
I don't believe it!
Saints, hold me back, because if I lose my nerve,
Holy Mother of Jesus won't stop me. I'll crush that bastard!
I'll tear him in half, skin him alive,
throw him in the woods, and leave him to the wolves!
That jerk! That big-city bastard!
I'm calling him.
No reason to worry, gentlemen.
Everything is ready, as I said.
Why are you speaking Czech to me?
It wasn't me.
I'm watching TV, some Czech drama. I mean, a love story.
Where's my Litworówka?
-What do you mean? In the storehouse. -Yeah?
In the storehouse? The one that's empty?
I'm not blind!
It's not here! Where did you take it all?
Hello! I can't hear you. You're breaking up. Hell… Hello…
He hung up. I'll kill that damn jerk.
Hello, gentlemen, I'm calling about Litworówka.
We have a problem.
The situation is dynamic.
No need to worry.
Hey!
Where's my marvel?
It is a marvel, but it's already been picked up.
Who picked it up?
Kasia. She said you agreed.
Holy cow!
Do you want a treat from Toruń?
Goddamn it!
Gosh darn it.
Store bought.
That's how it is?
You steal my sleigh?
I brought them for the race.
I left everything for you.
Did I ask you to?
I parade around in an embroidered waistcoat.
I've learned how to make smoked cheese. I even carve Jesus figurines!
-What? -As a hobby.
Don't be ridiculous.
Kasia.
It was supposed to be our race.
But it won't be.
Cool off, Patryk.
Don't you have a watch? You're 30 minutes late.
Were you pirouetting around tourist girls again?
Not at all. Their stay is over. I had to say goodbye forever. Again.
Close up shop. I've got a plan.
What have you got?
Plan B. We have to isolate the kids.
Is that all?
We'll discuss details over a bottle.
Kale again. Blah!
Litworówka.
So our plan doesn't dry up once we put it in motion.
To your health.
Hold on.
You're back, Wacuś. So tell me.
How are we doing this?
Not too cold?
Dude.
It was cold at K2.
Wanna join?
Gladly.
Are you sure?
Of course!
One, two, three!
Goral, my Goral, my Goral music
Before you…
If you're cold, you can get out.
I'm fine. I've gone scuba diving under ice.
Sure, more like dry ice.
Goral, my Goral, my Goral music
I'm not cold.
Goral, my Goral, Goral, my Goral
My Goral music
Before you turn around It's already gone
I don't believe it.
Goral…
You really are crazy.
You wanted me to cool off, right?
Goral, my Goral
Sing!
Goral, my Goral, my Goral music
Before you turn around It's already gone
No reaction to light. They'll slip into a coma soon.
Oh, well, we'll have to use rubbing therapy.
Well then. I'll get the pine twigs.
Lots.
-Not the twigs! -Shush.
I've got some bear fat.
-What about you? Take care of your man. -He's not my man.
Hey, what are those twigs?
Dude, you don't wanna know.
Maryla? You were right.
There's no time. Let's do it.
Come in.
-Are you alone? -Patryk will be here soon.
You made this mess. You can help clean it up.
-We need to talk. -Have a seat.
But not here.
-Did you talk to Kasia? -I did.
-And? -She's coming.
-Great. -I'm here.
-Hey. -Okay. Great.
More Litworówka? Parade's tomorrow.
-Yeah. -We won't make it.
We will if you help us.
Maryla and I won't make it without you for sure.
-Okay. What do I do? -Bring the bottles.
They're there behind the second door, next to the broom.
-There? -Yeah. You'll find them.
Hey!
-Yes! -Yes!
Open up!
I don't believe it.
You have to listen to me.
Forget it.
Open the door!
They won't open.
Stop kidding around. Open the door!
Maryla, cut it out! Open up!
I told you, they'll only open after we talk.
I didn't sleep with Patryk.
And I didn't with Kacper.
Then what's this fuss all about?
The person I love doesn't trust me.
You mean the world to Patryk. That's why he's going nuts.
And Kacper wants to change for you.
-Do you know what it means? -Sure.
Come on!
I'm an expert at screwing everything up.
Sometimes it's better to let go.
And not be right all the time.
Did you check the starter? It should be… Oh, there.
Don't lecture me. I was born with this knowledge.
You don't service it often, do you?
Hold it for me.
Listen, if you think Kasia and I did something…
-Man, she's out of your league. -And Wera's out of yours.
Oh crap!
It's nice.
-Old school. -Thanks.
-Have you ever repaired that starter? -Recently.
I've got videos on my computer.
I'll bring it. Original wrenches should be inside.
Well, then, hurry.
So did you make up or kill each other?
Did you make up?
We made up.
See? Told you. It always works.
-Let's open the door. -Yeah.
-Did you send the video? -From an anonymous account.
That's great. Thank your American friend for arranging it.
He didn't do it for free--
Stop talking and open the door.
There!
-End of captivity? -You little hicks!
-Can we go? -Where? We've got work to do!
If you had argued less, you'd be out sooner.
Stop talking, get to work,
and remember once and for all,
united we stand, divided we fall.
Well, let's drink to unity and a job well done.
Not you.
There!
Delicious!
What the hell?
I don't believe this.
Shove it up your ass.
Freakin' hell.
That's my Goral girl!
What fucking chance?
I'll kill you!
Lights out.
Look at them squirm. Like worms.
-It was supposed to be her. -But she wasn't there.
Why the brother-in-law?
I had to, or he would've given us up.
Quiet!
Plan C. Regroup.
Rambo, go!
Quiet!
-Be quiet! -Forward!
Tighter!
Shush, brother, it's nothing personal.
We had to improvise.
The girl wasn't there.
-Hold it. -I'm holding.
-Let me go! -Shut the hell up!
You'll thank us later.
Take it. A hat for you.
So you don't catch a cold.
I've got one for him too.
For the city boy.
You'll stay here until morning. Get some rest.
-Think things over. Maybe even make up. -Yes.
Whose is it?
Is it yours?
What? It's not mine.
-Then whose? -I don't know.
Neither do I.
Plan D.
Horses.
Stay.
Stay!
Go!
Why are you here?
And lights out.
-I won't forgive this. You'll go to jail. -Us? You're stealing!
Biting the hand that feeds you?
Kidnapping, imprisonment, risk of death from wild-animal attack.
Do you see any wild animals here?
I'll put it this way, Włodek. If you keep quiet, we will too.
And if you're good, we might even
not tell Maryla.
In the morning, the shack will be empty.
No problems.
But my crime is lesser than your crime. That's what the penal code says.
What crime?
Jędruś. You see any crime here?
Where?
What do you say? Do we have a deal?
But with Maryla…
I'll talk to him tomorrow.
Wanna come in?
I'll talk to him in the morning.
Wera.
Thanks.
I'm coming in!
Kacper left his phone here.
That makes sense.
Patryk's not picking up.
-Maybe they're in the mountains. -No, the race is today.
-Maybe they went together. -Together? Come on.
Sleigh.
Well…
I know who to ask. Let's go.
Pipe down!
What was that?
A Goral kidnapping. Free of charge. Enjoy.
Hey. You're gonna leave me here?
Untie me!
Yeah.
Can't you lure it away with a sausage?
Okay. We've got a problem.
-What problem? -We've gotta go to the shack.
Włodek, I told you, everything's set. Don't panic.
A bear came down. They're closing off Kościeliska.
If it came down, it will walk around and go away.
What? Who came down?
Drink. It'll warm you up.
Are you all nuts? Is it from the lack of oxygen?
You've got a phone?
You should've called for help.
I was tied up.
Crap.
Kasia called me like ten times.
So were they here or not?
Maybe. Maybe not.
What am I, a news agency?
Maybe they're on the parade?
What was that?
Probably a groundhog.
Groundhog? Dude, it's a bear!
-Hey! Let's get out of here! -Hey.
Yeah.
It's a very good idea.
A bear runs at 60 km per hour.
Can you run 70 km per hour?
-No. -Then stop panicking.
What are you doing?
Checking online how to defeat it.
Hey!
My Litworówka!
Was it your doing? Huh?
Because some businessmen from the Czech Republic
came to pick up the goods.
Excuse me. What goods?
You're asking me? You don't know?
Translate for the lovely gentlemen, my dear,
that they'll get their goods,
but after a special surcharge.
Are you crazy? You sent strangers to attack your family?
Where's Patryk and Kacper? Talk!
I don't know. Sister, Kasia, free your brother this instant, or…
Sweetheart.
We did it all for you!
Really, Dad? What was for us?
Everything.
Now him!
Maryla, it wasn't my idea.
They left people to be eaten by wild animals!
Where?
In Grandpa Jasiek's shack.
Don't look it in the eye!
Or what? If you look, you'll fall in love?
You have a weapon?
-Bear-repellent spray. -Then take it out!
It's at home.
"Talk calmly. Hide behind a tree. Bears have bad eyesight."
"If there are no trees, show it that you're human."
Who writes these things?
Kacper!
Quiet! Come on.
Is it gone?
You really came down to save me?
No, Kasia gave me a lift.
Damn.
I love you too.
I haven't slept with him or Bob or anyone else. Do you believe me?
I know.
I didn't sleep with Weronika.
I know.
I'm sorry.
You've met your match, huh?
Hurry!
Sweet thing.
What do you think?
Golden Arrow. Beautiful, isn't it?
Beautiful, but will it run?
It will. Don't you worry. I'll be on the podium.
-We'll see. -We will.
Easy. We'll see if you're all talk. Are we racing or not?
Yeah, get ready to lose. You have to know how to lose.
-"Lose"? -"Lose."
Come on, let's go!
Look here.
Looks nice and healthy.
The podium is mine.
This video will get through all firewalls
and play on any device in a 100-kilometer radius.
-Wow, you're good. -I know.
Bluejacking through unsecured Bluetooth networks.
Kid, I used to do such things before Bluetooth was a thing.
On a machine I got as my First Communion gift.
If you're ever looking for a job--
You're not ready for me. Plus I'm on maternity leave.
Yeah?
And where's your kid?
What do you mean? Where he should be. With his dad.
Let me see.
See? I was right!
-What do you mean? I was right. -What do you mean?
-Wait. -Why? What's going on?
Kasia's beating up Bob!
LOOK HOW KASIA SENT BOB RUNNING
No way!
-Look! -Hot damn.
-Woman beating a man. -Lovely carnage.
-No! -Jesus!
Hold up!
Okay.
Okay. Awesome.
Ready? Hey!
Go!
Let's go!
Hold on!
Giddyap!
I've said from the start that she's innocent.
You? And I should feel silly?
You didn't believe your own sister. Aren't you ashamed?
Look at yourself! You're an old man.
But not an old fart.
Like some others.
-Pola, Jola! -We're here.
How long do we have to wait? I'm asking nicely.
We're leaving soon.
Let me tell you about groundhogs hibernating in Podhale.
Take notes, Jola.
And did you know groundhogs like kale?
Hold on. Krzysiek, go warm up.
-"Groundhogs like kale." -What? Kale in Zakopane?
Stop talking. Go. Plan E.
Go, Paris!
THREE WEEKS LATER
Bravo! Yeah!
Wonderful!
So cool!
-Just like his father. -Brother, give more!
You've got money to spare!
Bravo!
Son-in-law! Congratulations!
Yeah! Give him to me.
Let the child go with God.
-Congrats on the race! -Cheers! To your health!
-Hello! -Hey.
So will it get you to Portugal?
It's been fixed by a great mechanic.
If it breaks down, we can walk.
And your job?
I gave them an ultimatum. Remote work or nothing.
So you know how to fix your mistakes.
Visit us in Portugal.
You're always welcome here.
Learn how to make smoked cheese. You can start a business.
And carve Jesus figurines.
-Bye. -Bye.
-How about a rematch one day? -On the board?
-But on the waves. -Okay.
-Bye! -Drive safe!
How about an RV?
Nah.
How long will it take you to repair that rust bucket?
-The motorbike? -Yeah.
It'll be ready when it's ready.
You can still back out.
-I've surfed in worse conditions. -Yeah? When?
None of your business.
After you.
Come on, let's go, tough guy.
Subtitle translation by: Katarzyna Błachnio-Sitkiewicz